


The Letter

by Abbl2



Category: The Outsiders - All Media Types, The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Protective Siblings, Vietnam War, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:40:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24125275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abbl2/pseuds/Abbl2
Summary: If you could go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?Ponyboy's answer isn't what you would expect. (not a time travel AU)Set in 1969.
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

A common philosophical, introspective question I get asked a lot is - if you could turn back time, what would you do differently? It’s a stupid question, obviously, because you can’t actually go back in time, but it gets you thinking.

Of course there are a lot of events that I want to change: the death of my parents, Johnny murdering that soc kid, Dally’s suicide by cop. But even with all of that misfortune, above all else there is one thing that I wish I’d done differently. Sometimes I wish it so hard it makes me physically sick. If I could go back in time to the winter of 1969, I would’ve burned down the mailbox that held the letter that tore my family apart. The day we got that letter was the start of the worst 11 months of our lives. 

…

“I think I heard the mail truck!” Two Bit exclaimed one Saturday morning when it was just he and I in my brothers house. Soda and Steve had the morning shift at the gas station and Darry was on a ski trip for the weekend. Two Bit had been here since 3 o’clock in the morning to sleep off a hangover. 

My head snapped up from the bacon I was frying when I heard the shout. Two Bit was looking at me excitedly, all signs of last night's hangover gone. He knew what was supposed to come today: my early acceptance for the University of Oklahoma. This past year and change I’d been attending community college to get some general credits out of the way. The high school paid for since I was still technically enrolled, but this small taste of college life had gotten me hooked on the idea of a university, so I applied for early acceptance. I’d been on edge for the past week in anticipation of receiving my letter.

“You think...” I started, and Two Bit nodded enthusiastically. 

“Ain’t no way to find out unless you go out and look!”

I stood in the kitchen, suddenly too anxious to move. Just outside my door could be the answer to all mine and Darry’s prayers: my ticket out of here. But I was apprehensive. Whatever news was waiting for me in that mailbox would change my life forever, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for it.

Two Bit was having none of that. “Well? What’re you waiting for? Get your ass out there and check! Glory, I’m on the edge of my seat here, Pony!”

Tentatively, I turned off the stove and left the kitchen. I could feel Two Bit’s eyes on me the whole way to the door. I opened it and immediately regretted my sockless feet. It was the beginning of an Oklahoma winter and while there wasn’t snow on the ground yet, it wasn’t for lack of cold. I shivered and hurried down the walkway. I’d wanted to open any letter I received out here away from Two Bit’s intense gaze, but that wasn’t possible in this weather.

I got to the mailbox, and sure enough, right at the top was a fat envelope with my name on it and the UO symbol in the corner. I hastily grabbed the mail - I could see some bills that Darry would have to take care of in the mix - and ran back inside and out of the frozen air. 

Once inside, I stood dumbly, unable to open the letter in my hand that I knew contained the key to my future. As soon as I opened the envelope, my whole life would change. A part of me was excited, but the rest of me was stone cold scared. What would it mean to leave behind my family, my brothers, the only life I knew for four years at a university? Or worse, what if I didn’t get in? I knew that option wasn’t likely, UO wasn’t a particularly choosy school and I had good grades, but that didn’t stop me from feeling the icy fear curling like a fist around my insides. The dreams my brothers had for me, up in smoke. Darry would be so disappointed. Soda would be too, though he’d try to hide it for my sake. I only wanted to make them proud after everything they’d sacrificed to keep me on the path they dreamed for me. I couldn’t handle letting them down. I could hear my heart beating in my ears as panic threatened to overwhelm me.

“Oi! Ponyboy!” said a far away voice. “Earth to Pony? You okay?”

It was like coming out of a tunnel. Two Bit’s abrasive voice pulled me out from the depths of my anxieties and plopped me back in the present. I came to my senses. I hadn’t even looked at the results yet, it was no good freaking out over what if’s. I looked at my friend and then back down at the envelope. 

“Did it come?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said quietly.

“Well? You gonna open it?”

Slowly, carefully, as though I was disarming a bomb, I began to unpeel the envelope. As I did, a thin envelope fell through the other pieces of mail and landed face down at my feet. Distracted, I bent down to pick it up. I assumed it was one of Darry’s bills, and was startled to see it was addressed to Soda. My older brother didn’t get mail, not even his checks from work. He picked those up every other Friday at the gas station. I glanced at the sender's address to see who it was from, and as I did, all thoughts about my school letter were wiped from my mind as my heart dropped into my stomach.

In the left hand corner of the envelope I could see plain as day the words "United States Military, Selective Service Office" printed across the top.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Re-kindling an old love. I literally just word vomited out this chapter. I have no idea if I'll continue with it or not. I'd like to, but the last time I wrote a fan fiction that I posted, I was 14 years old.  
> Anyway, let me know about any grammar mistakes. Like I said, it's been a long time since I've written anything fictional that wasn't for work or school, and I wrote this rather quickly. I needed to get this idea out of my brain.


	2. Chapter 2

My ears rang and there was static in my head. Time slowed to a halt. Somewhere in the distance I heard Two Bit complaining loudly, but nothing registered. It was as though someone had flipped a switch in my brain and the only thing I could comprehend was this piece of paper in front of me. I knew what an envelope like this meant. And one had come for Soda. 

I remembered hearing my peers talk about it in class. Their words echoed in my head: “draft” I'd heard muttered in hushed voices, as though the mere utterance of the word placed a curse on you. I remembered trying not to think about it even as I put my name down the week I turned 18. I knew we were at war, but Vietnam felt like another planet, and the pictures they showed on TV only served to confirm my belief. There was no way a fight on the other side of the world would affect us here in Tulsa, right?

Except it could. I had proof in my hands that it could. The fight on the other side of the world was about to pick up my brother and plop him in the middle of a jungle, far away from everything he loved. It would take him far enough away so that we couldn’t protect him. To think, just a minute ago I was worried about going away to college and moving to Oklahoma City.

As I thought about my college letter for the first time in what felt like years, I heard Two Bit’s voice on the other side of the tunnel growing more concerned. I tore my eyes away from Soda’s letter to look at him. My gaze met his and the concern on his face doubled as he saw my expression.

“Ponyboy? What’s up kid, what happened? You get in?”

I shook my head. His eyebrows drew together.

“You didn’t?” 

I shook my head again. I couldn’t bring myself to speak. My mouth was frozen shut with the same icy numbness that had taken hold of my chest.

Two Bit’s eyes narrowed. “Well, give it to me straight, Ponyboy, did you get in or didn’t you?”

His indignation helped me find my voice. “Haven’t checked yet,” I choked out horsley. “It’s something else.”

This seemed to peak his interest, because he got up from the couch and walked over to me. “Whaddya mean you haven’t checked yet? What are you...” he stopped when he saw Sodapop’s letter in my hand. He hesitated. “What’s that you got there?”

Without thinking, I extended my arm to show him. He took the letter and barely a second went by before his face turned white. 

“Shit,” he muttered, looking as pale as I felt. “I never thought it’d happen here.” He looked up at me. “We gotta call Darry.”

…

Darry made it home before Soda did. I didn't wait around for him. As soon as Two Bit made the call, I retreated into mine and Soda's bedroom. I guess it would be my bedroom after he left. That thought made the iron grip around my insides tighten its hold, and I crawled into bed, clutching at one of Soda's pillows, trying desperately not to cry. At around 3 o’clock I heard a knock at the bedroom door. I just drew up the covers and pretended not to hear. The knock came again.

“Ponyboy?” I heard Darry say from the other side of the door. “Ponyboy, I’m coming in now.” I heard the doorknob click as the door opened and my oldest brother stepped into the room.

My back was to him, so I felt him sit down on the edge of my bed and shake me softly. I didn’t react.

“Pone,” said Darry. “Pony, wake up, baby.” He shook me again. I still didn’t move. My chest felt empty, and I had lost all feeling in my limbs. Darry shook me harder. “Ponyboy, I need you to sit up and look at me. Two Bit told me you wouldn’t say anything after he saw the letter. Baby, you can’t just retreat in on yourself. I need to know you’re okay.” I heard my own fears echoed in his voice, and that alone was what gave me the strength to sit up and turn to him.

“I’m sorry you had to leave your ski trip,” I said weakly, not looking at his face. I was surprised as he grabbed me and pulled me to him tightly, his arms wrapping me in a bone crushing hug. 

“I don’t care about the stupid ski trip,” he said, and his voice was quiet and weak. I’d never heard him sound that small. My insides still numb, I hugged him back loosely. 

We sat like that for a few seconds and I felt him struggling to keep his breathing under control. Finally, when he seemed to have managed it, he pulled away and held me at arms length. I continued to avoid his gaze.

“Are you okay?” he asked. I shrugged, staring at my hands, which had come to rest in my lap. 

“How are we going to tell Soda?” I asked. Darry swallowed audibly. 

“We’re going to wait until he gets home,” he said slowly, his breathing measured. “I don’t want to call him with something like this. Then when he reads it, we’ll decide what we’re going to do.”

I looked at him for the first time, not quite believing what I was hearing. Did this mean we had other options?

Darry seemed to read my expression, because his eyes regained their usual strength. “I’m not going to let my kid brother go and fight in some stupid war if I can help it. Believe me Pony, I’m going to do everything in my power to get him out of this. If we have to move to Canada, we’ll do it.”

Relief seeped into my body. If anyone could fix this, Darry could. We didn't call him 'Superman' for nothing.

Suddenly, we heard the front screen door slam open, and loud voices bantered in the living room. Darry’s eyes found me, questioning. I nodded. He looked reassured as I got up and walked into the living room.

The sight that greeted me was one I’d seen many times before, but now left a bittersweet taste in my mouth. Steve and Soda were both 21, but didn’t act like it as they wrestled around each other to get to the fridge first. It hit me that 21 wasn’t actually that old at all. In fact, 21 felt incredibly young to me in ways it never had before. It didn’t feel old enough to go off to fight a war, and it certainly didn’t feel old enough to go off and die in one. My knees suddenly felt weak, and I thought I might collapse until Darry’s strong arm braced me around my shoulders, keeping me steady. 

“You piece of shit, thats MY cake!” shouted Soda, twisting his arm in front of Steve so that it looked like he would clothesline him. Steve’s right arm was around Soda’s middle, holding him back from his left arm, which held the last of our chocolate cake Soda had made the night before.

“You’re too slow my friend,” Steve mocked. “Finders keepers!” and he wriggled out from Soda’s choke hold to sprint into the living room, his best friend at his heels. It wasn’t until the wrestling pair nearly tipped over the coffee table and succeeded in tripping Two Bit that Darry spoke up.

“That’s enough, both of you,” he said, his normally booming voice subdued. Perhaps it was the tone of his voice (Steve and Soda rarely stopped fighting, even when Darry told them off) but the two friends actually paused in their fight over the last slice of cake to glance over at him. Soda looked concerned. Of course he noticed immediately that something was not right.

“What is it, Darry?” Soda asked. Darry's expression was pained. He drew his mouth in a thin line and knit his eyebrows together in a way that accentuated his premature wrinkles. For the second time in as many minutes, it hit me that Darry was only 24, which wasn’t that much better than being 21. It wasn't nearly old enough to be sending his little brother off to war. Doubt suddenly filled my lungs. What could Darry do against the American government so that we could keep our brother? As greasers we were essentially powerless. People stepped on us like dirt and didn’t even bother to wipe our broken pieces off the soles of their boots. Ain’t nothing we can do. Hadn’t the tragedy we’d suffered proven that already?

My fears must’ve shown on my face because Soda turned his attention from Darry and immediately came to my aid, wrapping his arms around me and smoothing my hair. “Hey - hey Pony! You’re okay, baby, ain’t nothin’ gonna hurt you.”

I almost couldn’t take it, the concern he felt for me, and it took everything I had to keep the tears at bay. Soda was worried for me? I drew back and shook my head.

“S’not me I’m worried about,” I muttered, unable to look at him. Soda's expression shifted into confusion.

“Ponyboy, did something happen?” Steve asked. Darry cleared his throat before I could answer.

“Soda, could you come to the table, please?”

Soda’s eyes widened. He turned to look at Darry, his hand still on my shoulder. “Darry?” he questioned. He was starting to look nervous. 

“Please, Soda,” Darry pleaded softly. He looked nervous, too. 

Squeezing my shoulder, Soda let me go and made his way to the table. I followed him, Two Bit and Steve right behind me. He sat down and looked at Darry expectantly. Darry gestured to Two Bit. Hesitating, Two Bit stretched out his arm, and handed the cursed letter over to Darry. I’d forgotten that he still had it. Darry took the letter and drew in a shuddering breath.

“This came for you today, little buddy,” Darry said, and gave him the letter. Soda glanced at it for one seemingly eternal moment where all of us held our breath, and then realization hit him like a truck. He paled in an expression of fear that I’d never seen mar his handsome face. His hands trembled a little as he slowly opened the envelope and took out the letter inside.

I didn’t want to see but I couldn’t look away. My heart was beating so loudly in my ears that I was surprised no one else could hear it. Then again, maybe everyone else's pulse was doing the same thing. I watched as Soda’s wide eyes scanned the single document containing his fate. If my heart hadn’t been pounding so loud, I would’ve noticed that the room was the quietest it’s ever been. Anyone who knew anything about this house knew it was never quiet, but it seemed that even the outside world sensed the tension and had decided to keep it down.

After an eternity with nothing but the sound of our hearts and breathing, Soda spoke. “January,” he said quietly, unable to tear his eyes away from the paper. “January 17. I’m supposed to report to Oklahoma City military headquarters for induction.” And with that, he dropped the paper on the table, pushed past us and fled the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know about any grammar mistakes, I was up until four am writing most of this.


End file.
